Mental Health Month & Grief: Learning to Breathe Again

Mental Health Month & Grief: Learning to Breathe Again

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And if you’re anything like me, in the early days of grief, mental health is probably the last thing on your mind. Not because it’s not important—but because you’ve been in survival mode. That bone-deep, minute-to-minute, autopilot kind of survival mode where brushing your teeth feels like an achievement and remembering to eat counts as a win.

It’s not uncommon. In fact, it’s the norm.

When your entire world shifts, when you lose someone who shaped your life, your sense of time distorts. You’re no longer living in days and weeks, you’re living in “befores” and “afters.” You're trying to piece together the why, the how, the what-if-I-had-just-done-more. It’s chaos. Emotional chaos that somehow still has a to-do list.

After Dad died, I watched Mom immediately move into task mode. The notebook came out, and she started listing everything that needed to happen. Bank accounts. Death certificates. Funeral logistics. I remember thinking, How is she even functioning right now? But that’s what she did. Calm in chaos.

And when Mom passed, I became her. People always tell me I’m just like her—and they’re right. I needed something to hold on to, so I clung to the list. Bills. Insurance. Cremation vs. burial. The house. The will. I never even had time to sit with the loss because the world around me didn't stop. I still had work. My own bills. Responsibilities. A house full of their memories to sort through while pretending I was okay enough to send emails.

I wasn’t okay. But I didn’t know how to not be “doing.”

The thing is, when you’re grieving—deeply, painfully grieving—you’re not just sad. You're exhausted. Your brain is foggy. Your body aches. And if you’ve never heard the term grief brain, I’m here to tell you—it’s a real thing. A study published in NeuroImage: Clinical found that grief literally alters the brain. It changes the way we think, remember, and even make decisions. That forgetfulness, that feeling like you’re walking through mud? It’s not in your head. It's your brain trying to process a world that no longer makes sense.

So when people say, “Make sure you’re taking care of yourself,” it’s well-meaning. But also… how?

I get it. I’ve been there. I still go back there sometimes.

Even outside of grief, self-care is the first thing to go when life gets busy. A few years ago, I was working nonstop—18-hour days, seven days a week. I stopped working out. Stopped journaling. Stopped doing the things that usually kept me grounded. I told myself, “It’s fine. I’m just too busy. I’ll get back to it when things calm down.”

Spoiler alert: they didn’t.

And the longer I ignored my needs, the worse I felt. I lost progress in every sense—physically, emotionally, mentally. It took me years to come back from that. And that was before the losses. Add grief to that burnout, and you’ve got a dangerous cocktail of numbness and anxiety that doesn’t go away on its own.

Mental Health Month matters because this is the silent part of grief. The part no one prepares you for.

According to the American Psychological Association, “Grief is a mental health issue.” It’s not just a passing sadness—it’s trauma. And it deserves care.

But what does care even look like when everything feels broken?

Here are some things that have helped me, and might help you, too—not to "fix" the grief, because grief doesn’t get fixed, but to create space for healing:

1. Allow yourself to feel everything (without judgment).Grief is not linear. You can feel angry, grateful, guilty, relieved, and devastated—all in the same hour. That’s normal. “Feelings are for feeling,” as Glennon Doyle says. Don’t bottle them up. Let them breathe.

2. Find micro-moments of care.Not everything has to be a grand gesture. Some days, mental health looks like brushing your teeth. Or putting your phone on Do Not Disturb for 10 minutes. Or taking three deep breaths before opening your email. Small steps count. They add up.

3. Don’t confuse numbness with strength.I used to pride myself on being strong. “You’re so composed,” people would say. But inside, I was crumbling. Resilience isn’t about never breaking. It’s about knowing when to rest and rebuild.

4. Move your body—even gently.I don’t mean run a marathon. I mean a walk. A few stretches. Dancing in your kitchen to sad songs or angry songs or whatever songs feel like truth. Movement helps regulate stress hormones. It gives your grief somewhere to go.

5. Connect—quietly, if you need to.You don’t have to tell everyone everything. But having someone—a friend, a therapist, a support group—can help lighten the emotional load. Even if it’s just a “thinking of you” text or a shared meme. Humans are wired for connection.

6. Say no more often.Grief is a full-time job. You don’t owe anyone your time or energy. It's okay to protect your peace. It’s okay to turn down invitations, ignore messages, or cancel plans. Your mental health matters more than people-pleasing.

7. Reframe what self-care actually is.Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and wine (though I love a good bath). It’s boundaries. It’s therapy. It’s doing your laundry. It’s asking for help. It's saying, “I’m not okay right now.” It’s creating a safe space for yourself, emotionally and physically.

I read something recently that stopped me in my tracks:

“You cannot heal in the same environment that hurt you.” – Unknown

Sometimes that environment isn’t a place. Sometimes it’s a mindset. A belief that we have to be productive in our grief. That we have to be “strong” and “keep it together.” But Mental Health Month is a reminder that you matter, too. Not just the memory of your person. Not just the responsibilities left behind. You. Right here, still breathing, still trying, still deserving of care.

If you’re reading this and you feel like you're barely holding on—I see you. If you feel guilty for not doing more, or tired of pretending you’re okay, I’ve been there. If you're scared that the weight of everything might never lift, I promise: it can. Slowly. Gently. With time, and support, and maybe some deep breaths you didn’t even realize you were holding.

You are not broken. You are grieving. And that is the most human thing in the world.

This month, I hope you give yourself the permission to pause. To rest. To care for your heart in the same way you cared for the people you lost. You are not selfish for tending to your mental health. You’re brave for even trying.

And if no one has told you lately—I'm proud of you. Keep going. You’re not alone in this.

You’re Not Alone: Mental Health & Grief Resources

If you're struggling with grief, mental health, or just need someone to talk to, here are some trusted places to start:

🧠 Mental Health Support:

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):www.nami.org | Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)Free, confidential support and education for individuals and families affected by mental illness.

• Crisis Text Line:Text HELLO to 741741 (available 24/7 in the U.S.)A free, confidential service connecting you with trained crisis counselors.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:Dial 988 (available 24/7 in the U.S.)For anyone in emotional distress or experiencing a mental health crisis.

💔 Grief-Specific Support:

• The Dougy Center – National Grief Center for Children & Families: www.dougy.org Offers grief resources, especially for children, teens, and families.

• GriefShare: www.griefshare.org A nationwide network of in-person and online support groups for people grieving the death of a loved one.

• What’s Your www.whatsyourgrief.com A compassionate site with articles, courses, and tools to navigate grief in real, relatable ways.

🧘‍♀️ Self-Care & Wellness:

• Insight Timer (App & Website): www.insighttimer.com Free guided meditations, music, and talks for anxiety, grief, and sleep.

• Mental Health America – DIY Tools: www.mhanational.org/self-help-toolsA wide range of free downloadable worksheets, mood trackers, and journaling tools for mental wellness.

• The Nap Ministry: @thenapministry on Instagram | www.thenapministry.comA powerful reminder that rest is resistance. Focuses on restorative practices, especially for those in burnout or grief.

• Liberate App:mwww.liberatemeditation. Meditation and mindfulness app designed for the Black community, centered on healing from trauma and stress.

• Grief Yoga with Paul Denniston: www.griefyoga.com A movement practice that blends breath, sound, and movement to release grief from the body in healthy ways.

• MyWellbeing: www.mywellbeing.com Helps you find therapists, coaches, and support that match your emotional style—especially helpful when grieving or burnt out.